I can't stop smiling. Or vibrating. People probably would think I drank waaaaay too much coffee this morning if I went out in public right now...

So, I'll start with yesterday. I decided to dip a stick in the afternoon on a whim. When I went back to check it a few minutes later, I thought there was something there, but it was faint. Waited til the 10 minute mark and it was still looking like a very faint positive to me, so I dipped another stick. Again, something there, but this one was even less dark than the first one (which wasn't all that dark to begin with!). So, I figured I was seeing things and I should stop torturing myself and wait a few more days before I tested again.

Fast-forward to this morning. When I woke up with a very very strong urge to dip another stick... And the faint line from yesterday had gotten darker. Showed up within three minutes, and definitely definitely there! So, then I grabbed another type of test, dipped it too, and watched as the second line came up on that test too!

Now, I've always wanted to tell R in some sort of cute, memorable, way. But all of that went flying out of my head and I just ran back to our room, jumped on the bed and said "I think we did it!"

Now, I've been in this long enough that I know that a faint positive doesn't mean holding our baby in 10 months, but for now I am without a doubt housing a teeny tiny clump of cells that is potentially due around about June 14th (since the first thing I did after giving R the news was calculate our due date)! Round One of Clomid is officially a success, at least as far as getting pregnant. Now we just need to work on staying pregnant.

Yeah, so that ship has saaaaaaailed.

Thanks for the reminder, stupid unfortunate Future Shop ad that was staring up at me as I was getting the papers ready to go to recycling.

Day 30 progesterone today! At least I'm not walking into this one thinking it's a waste of time!

I received my Infertility's Common Thread Freebie in the mail from dmarie on Friday, and I wanted to share a picture so you can all see how lovely these little bracelets are!


I love it love it love it! If you haven't already requested one, head over before they're all gone. And even if they are all gone, order one anyway because they're only $5 and the money will be going to an IF organization!

I almost had to order a second one, because I was so eager to get into the package of Quick Grits that dmarie so generously sent me after I lamented that we can't get Quick Grits in Canada, that I almost cut right through the envelope wrapped around the container that had my bracelet in it! Clued in at the last second before I went too hog wild with the scissors, and all was saved!

In other news, check out this morning's temp jump! Hell yeah baby! That's more like it!

Alright, I promised an appointment update, and I'm not going to bed until I get this posted, so I'm going to make it short!

Day 21 progesterone didn't show ovulation. Shocking, I know. ;) I actually laughed out loud when he said that, because he delivered it like it was going to be disappointing news for me and of course I already knew how it was going to come back.

He was very unconcerned that I still hadn't O'd and it was day 24. We discussed last cycle, and I told him I O'd between CD27 and CD30, and he said that as far as he was concerned that is a perfectly fine range. I've read some stuff about long cycles and over-mature eggs, but nothing really 'official', so I'm going to trust him on that one.

I left the requisition for the next progesterone draw in my car, but I think he wants it on CD 31...

I'm 99% sure I'm going to O any day now, but I've thought that before and been wrong so we'll have to see. We're on doctors orders to get busy every other day until CD31, and both R and I are happy to follow orders. ;)

Honestly, I don't think the Clomid did a thing this cycle, and while he didn't come out and say it I think he agreed with me. So, we'll see how this next progesterone draw goes and then move forward from there. I got the impression that he wants to try another 50mg cycle before we move up, but if I haven't O'd by CD31 that might change.

I'm getting to the point that while I still really really really like my doctor, I wish we lived closer to an actual fertility clinic. Closest one is four hours away, so seeing them is out of the question unless we need to move on to IUI/IVF. I don't know what we'll do if it gets to that point... but I guess we'll figure that out if/when we get there!

Alright, so not so short after all! Hope I didn't bore you all to tears!

Oh, and the George Canyon concert was *AWESOME*! I've been meaning to write about that too, but that'll have to be another day because this girl is very sleepy!

Edited to add: So, I checked the requisition, and he's got it marked CD30/September 27th. That puts me 5DPO for the test if I did in fact O yesterday. That should be okay right? The numbers won't be great, but O can still be detected at 5DPO right?

In a 'don't want to work on my Consumer Behaviour assignment' procrastination spree, I moved my blog over to WordPress. It's closed right now, while I tweak everything, but I will be moving over there officially in the next little while. I don't know that it's 'better' than Blogger, but it's something new (to me) to play with and has a couple of great features I think will come in handy.

Okay... really need to get back to that assignment!

Back later tonight to fill you in on yesterday's appointment!

Demoted from 'Two Week Waiter' to 'Waiting to O'er'

In other news... because I sorely need the distraction...

This girl? She's going to see George Canyon tonight. Now, if you don't listen to Country music, or hail from Nova Scotia, you probably have no idea who GC is. He was the runner up in the second season of Nashville Star (the American Idol of Country music), and has gone on to release a couple of amazing albums (he has three total - one from before the show - Edit: I forgot about the Christmas album - so four total) and win quite a few awards for his music. Amazing amazing performer.

GC also has a special place in my heart for writing and recording a beautiful song called "My Name". Here's what he says about the song on his web site:

A close friend and his wife had a miscarriage, and I witnessed the pain they went through losing a baby. I wanted to write a song to help people cope with that trauma and somehow bring a positive light to the subject

Do not, I repeat DO NOT listen to this song if you're in a fragile emotional state. I can't listen to it without bawling on the best of days.

So yeah, I'm going to see him tonight. And I! Am! So! Excited!

So, the first thought that ran through my mind this morning when I looked at my thermometer was just one word, but with so much meaning:

Fuck.

With a second low temp, I figured there was no way I was getting my cross hairs back this morning, and of course most importantly it meant that the O I thought *might* have happened on CD16 (which I was given cross hairs for after my CD19 temp was entered but then taken away after that low temp on CD20), never actually happened.

Cue completely pointless CD21 progesterone test (headed off to that in a bit).

Cue whining to R about how my body can't get it's act together. Cue additional whining about likely having to do double Clomid next cycle, followed by whining from R about having to deal with double the Clomid Crazies next time. He said this in jest, but it still almost warranted throwing something at the dear man's head. ;)

So then I enter today's temp. And get cross hairs. And I don't understand why. I've stared at it for some time, and I just don't get it. Two temps below cover line in the first 5 days, plus EWCM after the marked O date... it just doesn't add up. They should be dotted, at the very least. But no, there they are. Normal, solid, definite cross hairs.

Anyone have any ideas? (Click on the ticker above to go directly to my chart.)

Apparently, obsession brings out the social butterfly in me. ;)

Edited to add: Thanks for all the input girls. I think what's freaking me out the most is how much this cycle already looks like the very first cycle I charted last September. If you click through to my chart now, I've got last September's chart right below the current one, so you can see what I mean.

Last September - newly charting and utterly convinced that charting was the answer to all of our 'Can't Get Knocked Up' woes, I had a temp jump on CD18-20 very similar to the jump on CD16-18 of this cycle. I was soooo excited! I! Got! Cross! Hairs! Yay!

Of course, immediately following that my temp dropped, FF took away my cross hairs, and that cycle become the second longest of the past year at 74 days.

Now, I know that this cycle so much is different (on Metformin for 2 months now, doing Clomid for the first time) and the chances of that particularly piece of my history repeating itself are very very very slim. But looking at those charts side by side? Eek!

*sigh* Maybe time to check with the doc about a Valium prescription... ;)

The problem with (possibly) being in the two week wait in the first cycle in a while where we actually have a real chance of this working...

I'm only (maybe) 5DPO and I am *DYING* to POAS!!!

Edited to add: Also... Have an insane desire to surf eBay for maternity clothes. Somebody knock some sense into me QUICK! I should soooooo know better than this!

My apologies to anyone who may have been checking in on me and finding day after day of no new posts. I can't believe it's been 10 days!

I'm just... blah. Totally blah. I've been completely anti-social, both online and in real life. I hope this ends soon, because people IRL have been noticing and questioning and I don't feel like talking all that much right now.

CD 21 progesterone tomorrow. If I'd blogged about it yesterday, I would have been full of hope. But after this morning's temp drop... I'm hoping it's just because I woke up earlier than usual today. I find myself wanting to hope, but being afraid to hope too much. A CD16 O would just be so amazing!

I just read this quote on a friend's Facebook:

"Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but what happens inside of you." -Harold B. Lee

Now, I know the context of this quote (religious), because the friend in question is Mormon (I used to be too, way way way back in the day) and Harold B. Lee was a president of the Church back in the early '70's. And it certainly has nothing to do with infertility. But the first thing I thought when I read it was 'Ain't that the truth!'. In more ways than one!

One of my most favorite people in the entire IF blogosphere has just suffered a devastating loss, so please head on over to SaraS-P's blog if you haven't already and give her some love.

Sooooooo behind on these nomination thingies...


My third nomination is lisalou @ Here's Hoping

Her posts are so honest, and her optimism at every new cycle inspiring. This is one of a few blogs that I click on *immediately* if I see an update in my blog reader, because her posts are a great read. Plus, I love looking at pictures of her puppies!

Home sick with the flu today, so I'm going to be hiding in bed watching cheesy daytime tele. Hope everyone is having an okay week!