Saturday, March 14, 2009

Breastfeeding Dilemna

I have a confession to make.

Breastfeeding Destructor has not been the most wonderful experience of my life, and I think it's going to be time to quit soon.

I've had to constantly fight to keep my supply up, and am currently taking twenty-six pills a day just to keep my supply at a level where Destructor doesn't get so impatient while nursing that he bites me out of frustration. We supplement with formula as well, which some days he doesn't seem to need at all and some days probably constitutes most of his liquid intake. I also pump in between feedings when my supply is low, to try to stimulate more production, which I actually don't mind at all, but it is getting harder and harder to find time for as Destructor gets busier and more mobile.

I'm also going back to work full-time soon, and while I don't mind pumping at home I absolutely loathe pumping at work. I'm really fortunate, in that I have my own office with a lockable door, so it shouldn't be such a big deal but I just don't like it. I can, and probably will, continue to come home at lunch and pump then, but I'm not sure how long my supply will hold up for doing that.

But I just feel like a big ol' whiner for contemplating giving up now. We've only made it nine months and I planned on nursing him for two years. Of course, I had no idea of the struggle I was going to have with my supply.

I have to stop taking the Domperidone soon, as my doc won't let me stay on it for more than a month so that might make all of this moot because if he starts biting me again I really have no choice but to stop because I can't risk permanent damage from those sharp little teeth.

Oh, and I currently have a plugged duct which (pardon my language) really fucking hurts!!!

Thoughts? Advice? Suggestions?

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

Post Appointment Update

So, I've discovered mobile blogging, which may just help me keep this thing updated more often because now I can blog from literally anywhere! Even in bed, which I'm sure R will tease me for, but it'll be great when I can't sleep.

So, the appointment today went good but not great. Destructor is overall healthy and doing well developmentally. But he's small. Very small. He's fallen back down to the 6th percentile for weight (still in the 60's for head circumference though!), and to the 21st for length. His doctor is concerned, but wants to take a wait and watch approach. We went over what C eats in a day, and she was very surprised that he is eating so much but not gaining. It's very possible he just has R's metabolism (R is 6' tall and 125lbs, if I haven't mentioned that before), but he wasn't a skinny baby so she doesn't want to just assume that is the case and not monitor C closely.

Just to give you an idea of how much C eats, he's breastfed an average of nine times a day and supplemented with formula, eats three meals a day including cereal mixed with formula and a wide variety of fruits and veggies (particularly the higher calorie ones), and he snacks in between meals! The kid should really be thirty pounds with his intake, but he's only just over seventeen right now.

She doesn't want me to change anything right now - we're just going to go back to monthly appointments and keep monitoring him and see how that goes.

Anyone else have a small baby and have any thoughts they'd like to share? I'm just trying not to stress out about it, because he's obviously doing very well despite his slow weight gain.

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Long overdue update!

In my last post, I talked about finding my center.  I'm still searching for it, but time has helped me be more at peace with the fact that I've lost it.  I've adopted more of a 'go with the flow' philosophy, and it's working much better for me.

My efforts at finding time to meditate on my own have been totally fruitless, so next week I'm going to going to a drop-in meditation class at our Buddhist Centre every Tuesday that R doesn't work.

Which brings up another topic, which is another major part of why I haven't been here for a while.  Just before Christmas, R started working a second job.  At first, it was to put money towards the TV he just had buy (fortunately on a twelve month no payments no interest plan), but as the economy has slowed down and his performance bonuses at his primary job have all but disappeared, the second job has saved our butts and allowed us to keep paying our bills while I'm still off on leave.

Which won't be for much longer... I've started back at work 1-2 days a week (up to 7.5 hours so I don't lose any of my maternity benefits).  R stays home with Destructor (his new nickname, now that he is mobile) on Mondays, and on Tuesdays he goes to the daycare right beside my office that we were extremely fortunate to get a space in.  Starting April 1st, however, I'm going back to work full-time which I'm both excited and terrified about. 

I'm sorry I left you all hanging so long - all is well and we are all happy and healthy.  Destructor has his nine month check-up tomorrow, so hopefully that will bring good news about his weight gain (I've stopped weighing him between appointments because it was stressing me out far too much and wasn't doing either of us any good).

Take care all!