Sunday, October 14, 2007

I'm happy to report that I am much calmer than yesterday. Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. You really helped me to relax and stop assuming the worst.

The spotting has completely subsided, and all feels normal again. Yay!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this in a post, (I think it was in my profile info a while back, before I decided to cull it to more reasonable proportions) but prior to my pregnancy with M, I had a miscarriage at about 8-10 weeks (we hadn't gotten as far as a dating ultrasound by the time I miscarried, and well... you know how wacky my cycle lengths are!). Luckily, M was conceived the very next cycle and obviously everything went very well that time around.

Unfortunately, the emotional trauma that that miscarriage caused is still as raw today as it was almost eight years ago, and it's weighing heavily on my current experience. I am so utterly terrified that after all of this time and hard work, history will repeat itself. There is absolutely no rational reason to think that, after all so much has changed and we have such a good handle on what's going on, but rationality isn't really my strong point right now.

One thing that is really upsetting me is that I don't have a clear recollection of how that miscarriage started. Did I have brown spotting first? I know I didn't bleed red until the very end, but I don't remember what came before that. I know I had very intense cramping. But I can't remember if there was any spotting. I think there was, but I'm just not sure.

Anyway - there's nothing going on now, and I'm just going to sit back and try to enjoy that. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, there is absolutely nothing I can do right now to change anything, and therefore worrying and stressing is futile and not good for me at all!

In other news... Strangest pregnancy food issue development? I've developed an aversion to bread crusts. Very very odd. I've always loved loved loved bread crusts, but now they totally make me gag.

I discovered this after hubby delayed his tee off time (I so love that man!) to go to store to get me sandwich fixings, because I was having a craving for a roast turkey sandwich. And yes, you did read that right - my vegetarian self was craving a roast turkey sandwich. In fact, I've been craving meat (mostly chicken) like crazy the last couple of weeks, and I've been giving into the craving because I figure if I'm craving it there must be a reason.

I have been so so hungry lately. This morning, I ate breakfast at 9, and then was starving again by 11. I scarfed down my sandwich (sans crust), then I absolutely HAD to have yogurt. But I couldn't decide on what flavor I wanted between vanilla and strawberry, so I ripped open two containers and made strawberry vanilla swirl. It was super yummy, and I'm glad that no one was home because I probably looked like I was possessed while I was preparing it!

Well, I'm supposed to be studying for the midterms I have this week, but right now I'm feeling the strongest desire to soak in the tub with a good book, so I'm going to take a half hour break to do that.

Thanks again everyone who commented on yesterday's post!

10 comments:

  1. Just catching up with your two posts! I am hoping that everything will be alright for you! I can understand how scary it would be!

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  2. I'm so glad to hear that the spotting has stopped.

    Early preg is scary.

    xx

    J

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  3. I missed your drama, but am so glad that things have subsided and I'm glad you are feeling better. Hang in there and know that I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

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  4. Glad the spotting stopped. Enjoy your chicken and best of luck with midterms!

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  5. I am sorry I wasn't here when you were going through the spotting. I don't want to add anything else as I am still raw over a recent m/c but one nurse I spoke to when I went through the spotting ordeal said that light brown spotting is fairly normal and usually stops within a few hours to a day and all is fine.
    So glad that your doing alright and that it's stopped. Now for you to try and relax (I know, sometimes it's easier said than done)
    Hugs and take care, Lesley

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  6. I'm just catching up with your posts - first CONGRATS on the two pink lines!! That's so awesome. I'm glad things are going well and that the spotting has stopped. Positive pregnancy vibes are headed your way!

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  7. that's so weird! I too have been cutting off crusts for the first time ever in my life over the past week. How funny that you're doing the same thing!

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  8. I am glad all is well

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