Just got home from visiting a two day old baby. It was much harder than I expected it to be. I've been around lots of babies since we started trying, but this is the first one born to a couple we're really close to that started trying after us.

I feel such a disconnect right now, because I am *SO* happy for the parents (the dad and I have been friends since junior high, and the mom and I have gotten along fabulously from the first day we met, and I just love them both to pieces) but at the same time, I'm in so much pain and really wanting to pull away and I know that isn't fair to them. Every new baby deserves to be celebrated and surrounded with joy, and I feel like I need to be a part of that because of how special these people are to me.

I managed to hold it together for the most part while I was visiting. They both know of our struggles, so they weren't in danger of inadvertently saying something that would make it hurt even more, so that was good.

R is much more optimistic about our appointment in 10 days than I am, which I think is part of the reason I'm so emotional right now. I really wish I could go back to the excitement of the first few months, when every cycle felt like "the" cycle, instead of just another chance to be let down.

*sigh*