I Am

Coffeegrl tagged me for the I Am meme, and I've been having a hard time getting down to write it because I've been in a wierd sort of funk lately. I think it's just the stress of work and school, and the fog is starting to lift so it's time to get down to this task before you all get the idea that I'm a horrible person to tag!

I am... an emotional girl.

I am... a TV addict. I'm not inclined to count right now, but I would imagine I have about 15 series recordings set up on our PVR.

I am... a pescatarian. No, that's not some wierd religion you've never heard of. It means that the only animal flesh I consume is seafood.

I am... prone to playing devil's advocate, and can argue any side into the ground if I'm so inclined, whether I believe in it or not. I just love arguing for the sake of arguing. This makes Philosophy classes super fun!

I am... a very lucky wife. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He's my best friend, my biggest supporter and advocate, and super sexy to boot.

I am... not very good about thinking of things that I am.

I am... a numbers person. This makes accounting a perfect profession for me.

I am... one of those wierd wierd people who gets excited about preparing tax returns!

I am... Scottish to the core. Sadly, I've never been there, but when I think about traveling the world, that's the first country I plan to visit.

I can't think of anyone to tag, since just about everyone in the blogosphere has done this already, except for friend and frequent commenter Milissa, who could maybe use this as a first post on her blog? Hint hint! ;)

Well, my hope that last month's relatively short cycle was part of a trend is clearly dashed.

I'm not even sure what day I'm on now, but it's somewhere close to 50, and no sign of O. I'll be starting the prometrium tomorrow, which hopefully means an end to this cycle somewhere around the beginning of June. So, another cycle in the area of 60 days, which probably would have been even longer if I wasn't going to be inducing a new cycle.

I have to say that while this cycle is still just as much of a downer as all the rest, the prospect of next cycle bringing answers and treatment is so uplifting.

Quick update, because I'm going for a run tonight and have some homework to finish before I can leave for that!

Appointment went very well. R and I both love the new doctor. Looks like he's going to be very proactive, which is fabulous. He thinks we're for sure looking at PCOS, but he wants to make sure we've "dotted our i's and crossed our t's" (his words) before we start treating that. So, the plan is to start prometrium this week, do an HSG between CD6 and CD10 of next cycle, and then meet again to decide if we're going to try metformin first, or go straight to clomid. He seems to be leaning towards the clomid, but he said I didn't need to worry about making a decision until after the results of the HSG are in. He said he'll probably want to do another round of prometrium a couple of weeks after the HSG, and then more blood work before we start any medications, although the blood work and meds could be done in the same cycle depending on how the blood work comes back.

I have this overwhelming sense of relief, simply because I didn't know what to expect, and I'm so glad that it went well. I cried this morning before my appointment, and then spent all afternoon with a silly grin on my face.

I'm going to hold off on starting the prometrium until this weekend, for two reasons. First is that I had a massive temp drop this morning and I've been having what might be O pains on my left side, so I want to temp for a couple more days to see if I am O'ing on my own, and then I can avoid taking the prometrium (this cycle) altogether. Second, I leave for Montreal on the 26th, and if I started the prometrium right away I could end up starting next cycle on my trip, which doesn't sound like a great idea to me. If I wait a few days, I can time it so that I finish the prometrium on the day I fly back.

Anyway! This "short post" turned into a long-ass ramble!

Moving forward!

CD 40. Nothing going on. *Le sigh*

Several ladies (I'll link later - gotta get this down and get my butt out the door to work) have written stern letters to their ovaries calling them out for their insolent behavior, and I figured, what the heck - may as well give it a shot!

Alright ovaries. Listen up. I know I've whined a couple of times lately when my chart has suggested that you were actually getting your lazy asses out of bed each morning and doing your freakin' job. In doing so, I certainly didn't mean to suggest that I didn't *want* you to work, I just didn't want to be told that you were working when you were in fact lazing around on the couch watching Maury all darn day long! It's kind of like when you pay someone to paint your house, and then find out from your visiting niece that when you were at work and they didn't think anyone was watching, they went and spent a couple of hours in the neighbours pool. (True story! I was the niece!)

Okay, so I digress. This is getting ridiculous, my dear ovaries. 40 days, and the best you can do is tease me? Three patches of fertile cervical fluid, spotting, and a temp line that resembles the Rocky Mountains? Pathetic! If you were performing up to standard, I would have been over AF a week ago and be getting ready to O again! In fact, you should have produced 9 good eggs in the 8 and a half months since I started monitoring your activity, and you've only managed to put out 3! This is going to severely impact your performance bonus if you don't shape up.

Now, suck it up and get back to work!

My chart is driving me mad!

I really thought FF was going to take my cross hairs away today, but since my coverline is a whopping 36.15 celcius (like, WTH?) my 36.22 temp this morning wasn't low enough.

I'm 99.99% sure I didn't O. I haven't had any of my usual post-O symptoms. If you look at my overlay, this cycle doesn't look anything like the last 3. And there's that really really low coverline...

So, from looking at my chart this morning, I should either be looking forward to AF tomorrow, or settling in for more confusing waiting.

I think my chart is mocking me.

Edited to add: Well, I was messing around, and I threw a temp back in that I had discarder earlier this cycle (I vaguely remember that it was taken several hours late, and that at the time it was causing FF to give me crosshairs as ridiculous as the latest set, hence why I discarded it), and behold! No more crosshairs. Thank goodness, because I was getting sick of looking at them! ;)

Just got home from visiting a two day old baby. It was much harder than I expected it to be. I've been around lots of babies since we started trying, but this is the first one born to a couple we're really close to that started trying after us.

I feel such a disconnect right now, because I am *SO* happy for the parents (the dad and I have been friends since junior high, and the mom and I have gotten along fabulously from the first day we met, and I just love them both to pieces) but at the same time, I'm in so much pain and really wanting to pull away and I know that isn't fair to them. Every new baby deserves to be celebrated and surrounded with joy, and I feel like I need to be a part of that because of how special these people are to me.

I managed to hold it together for the most part while I was visiting. They both know of our struggles, so they weren't in danger of inadvertently saying something that would make it hurt even more, so that was good.

R is much more optimistic about our appointment in 10 days than I am, which I think is part of the reason I'm so emotional right now. I really wish I could go back to the excitement of the first few months, when every cycle felt like "the" cycle, instead of just another chance to be let down.

*sigh*